Emotional Rescue

For some reason this week has been overly emotional for me.  I’m crying at work.  I’m crying at commercials. I’m crying at watching TV shows.  Crying looking out the window at the beautiful Texas weather.  Cry, cry, cry, cry.  What a big whiny baby.  Being in menopause clearly continues to allow my emotions to be in overdrive.  GAH!

Is there a full moon?  People seem to blame stuff on the moon, so maybe it’s the moon. Maybe it’s just because I’m a woman.  Yeah, we woman get emotional. That’s a fact, Jack!  Or maybe it all comes down to the ABB5K this weekend.  My deeply rooted fear of failure is seeping through fueling the fire for my emotional rescue. Will I be saved?

Enough of the crying!  🙂

I’ve accomplished so much since June of last year.  I know it.  I can see it.  I can feel it. My life has changed for the better thanks to C25K.  Exercise has turned from a chore to a habit I actually enjoy.   But it hasn’t all been easy.  I still gain weight, I lose weight, I stagnate for a week or more.  I’ve received so many wonderful words of encouragement from friends, family and sweet strangers via this blog and social media.  My last blog post My Wish For You in 2014 has had over 2,000 views alone.  Your kind words inspire me to keep pushing towards my goal.  Y’all are the best cheerleaders.  Thank you.

So, why all the crying?  I pulled out my favorite work pants and had Steve take a picture of me holding them this past weekend.  WOW.  These slacks are a size 18 and they were really tight when I started exercising and focusing on balance last June.  The only new clothes I’ve bought since June are workout clothes so I think I’m in a 14 now, but as we women know, that number could vary on the brand. 

I’m going through my closet the next couple of weeks and will be giving all my clothes that are too big away to charity … except these black slacks.  I’m keeping these forever and leaving them in the front of my closet as a reminder that if you start something and keep at it, you win.  Period.  No number will define me.  Not a number on the scale.  Not a number on clothes.  It’s not about coming in first or even breaking a PR (personal record) because those are awesome, but instead simply, my best is good enough and I’m happy with me. 

One of the contestants on The Biggest Loser, Marie, said in this week’s episode, “The belief in myself has increased as my weight has decreased.”  That’s true for me too, but I still battle with a negative image of myself.  I think anyone who has struggled with weight their entire life will continue to do so.  We just have to keep telling ourselves every day that we’re gosh darn good enough!  🙂  Be your own personal cheerleader for any accomplishment.  No matter how small.  No matter how slow.  Fear is fear and we must never give up.  Never surrender!  Man, I love Galaxy Quest.

What am I afraid of?  Succeeding?  The ABB5K is a big deal to me.  Huge really.  I can play it off as another “completed” off my list, but it’s more than that.  It’s a fight against myself to beat my own demons.  Oh boy, do I have demons!  🙂  The theme to this years 5K is “Running Down A Dream” and my goal is to run the entire race within an hour.  I’m really slow, but if I can run over my own insecurities at my own pace, I will do it.  The only thing stopping me is me.

So take heart, everyone.  You can set your mind to whatever you want to do.  Everyone gets a second chance. A third.  Whatever number you want to put on it.  Finish your own race and focus on YOU.  Any age, any size is capable of great things.  Join me in letting go of fear and making it so.

I’ll be turning on my Runtastic app this Saturday, January 18, 2014 at the race start time of 0800 am so you can follow me and cheer me on from any computer or mobile device through Facebook or their website.  You do have to register to send the cheers to my headphones so if you’d rather not, it’s all good because you can also follow me via my Bib Number of 52431.  Which you also have to register to follow.  Ha!  Your support as always is so appreciated. I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it!  🙂

Speaking of teary eyed, I’ll definitely be crying on Saturday after the race (and maybe during), but those tears will be of the joy of accomplishing something I never thought I could do. 

Join me, will you?

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