Dirty Mouth?

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and this year, I want to sacrifice some different during Lent.  I’ve given up my favorite foods, sweets and even (gasp) Old No. 7.  And I’ve always been able to sacrifice these things with a fair amount of ease.

So what am I supposed to do … give up my favorite things again?  Naaaaaaah.  BORING!  And I’d be missing the whole point of sacrifice.  Again.

This year, it’s time for me to sacrifice something that is second nature. 

Sacrifice something that will make me stop and think twice before doing it. 

Something that I really … REALLY … REAAAAALLLY enjoy.

I’m sacrificing … swearing.  Cursing.  Cussing.  No more potty mouth.

I know!  I know!

How is it possible that someone as sweet as me … as adorably cute as me … as good natured and big hearted as me … has a no-holds-barred, filthy, raunchy, dirty all-too-colorfully descriptive vocabulary? 

Well, it’s true.  I do!  And I’m quite proud of my Army brat mouth too.  Okay enough with the rhyming.

Weird, right?  Seriously people.

I curse. 

A. LOT. 

And while some might view my sacrifice as unworthy of this season of penance, reflection, and fasting, I disagree.  This is a time of redemption and I am hopeful when Easter arrives, my descriptive words and phrases that have been a part of me for a better of … dare I say … 25 years … will somehow be the same Jersey-Texan color with a little less filth. 

Please pray for me.   J

And as I planned the past couple of days to embark on what I believe will be my most difficult Lenten season, I reached out to friends and family via telephone, email, IM, text, Facebook, Twitter, and IN PERSON even … to help me come up with a list to refer to in times of need (i.e. weakness).  

Many thanks to those who contributed to this list … 

… a list of G-rated, old-fashioned, almost fun “swear” words and phrases to help me get through until Easter Sunday. 

So here it is, in no particular order:
·        Dagnabbit!  Dadburnit!
·        Jeepers Creepers.
·        Hornswoggles!
·        Buttface.  Butthead.
·        Holey Moley!
·        Rats.
·        Shut the Front Door!
·        Back the Truck Up.
·        Great Balls of Fire!
·        Sugar.
·        Dear Gussy!
·        Kiss my Foot Three Joints Up.
·        Kelly Clarkson!
·        Gee Hos I Fat!
·        Really. (say with tone)
·        Seriously. (more tone)
·        DUDE. (yep, super tone)
·        Poophead!  Poohead!  Poo Poo Head!  You get the idea.
·        Bat Rastard!
·        Jackwagon.
·        Son of a Biscuit (Eater)!
·        (Adios) Mofo!
·        Piffle.
·        Shi’ite!
·        Fahrvergnugen!
·        Bastages.
·        Great Googely Moogely!
·        What a maroon!
·        Wanker.
·        Ratchafratchit!
·        Hootenanny!
·        Fowl and Filth!  And Filth and Fowl! 
·        Son of a Twinkie’s Ho-Ho!
·        Kiss my Rolo!
·        Jaberwocking.
·        Fiddlesticks!
·        Flapdoodle.
·        Holy Moly!
·        Good Grief.
·        Mother Swiss Roll!
·        Snickerdoodle.
·        Son of a Nutcracker!
·        Whippersnapper! (example: GET OFF MY LAWN WHIPPERSNAPPER!)
·        Lard Bucket.
·        Release the Hounds!
·        Tarnation!
·        Bless her/his heart!
·        Jeepers Creepers.
·        Hornswoggles!
·        Buttface.
·        Rats!
·        Gee Willikers.
·        Balderdash!
·        Bunk!
·        Mangy pustule!
·        Peckerhead.
·        Kiss my grits.  (Thank you Flo.)
·        Doofus!
·        Schadenfreuden!
·        Cockemamey.
·        Carpet Bagger!
·        Nancy Boy.
·        Wuss!
·        FUDGE!!!!!
·        Scalawag.
·        Sugar Honey Iced Tea!
·        Rat Fink.
·        Cornsucker!
·        Nuckin Futs!
·        Flibber De Jibbet.
·        Fustercluck!
·        Freck!  Frack!  Frick!  Freak!
·        Barnacles.
·        Bloody <insert any word here>!
·        Bullocks! Bugger! Sod!
·        Cacawate.
·        Serenity NooooOOOOOOOW!
And last … but not least:
·        DogGamnFotherMuckin’BonOfASitch!

Man. I hope this list is long enough.

Pray for me and may God Bless you all during this Lenten season and always.


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